The Scotland Epistles Football Magazine

It’s the winter of 2012 and Soccerstarz are planning their next set of Scotland players to be released in the Spring of 2013. What’s Soccerstarz David? It’s those wee toy statue thingamabobs of famous football players and the like.

Anyway back to 2012 and the team at Creative Toys Inc. who produce these is deciding which players to put in their Scotland set. These can always be fraught with difficulties never knowing who is going to become a star and who is going to fade away. Mind you, I’m sure it would have been harder in the Berti Vogts era. For every James McFadden or Darren Fletcher there was a Kevin Kyle and Brian Kerr.

So who did the wise men of Creative Toys choose? Well, they got some right with established stars like Scott Brown, although I’m not sure what the lip gloss on Scott is all about and is it just me that thinks it or did they really use an old Henrik Larsson mould for his face? Others in the set are both Fletchers; Darren and Steven, James Morrison among others. However, there’s also Kenny Miller and Gary Caldwell who have of course both retired.

Of the ones they got wrong, well, there is Craig Mackail-Smith, who looks like a rough Billy Dodds and is also telling us about the size of the fish he just caught, Lee Wallace (although, maybe that was done for commercial reasons) and Matt Philips. Although I suppose there’s always a chance for Matt if he gets a Premiership move from QPR.

There’s also Jamie Forrest, which must have saved them on plastic given he’s a foot smaller than everyone else. There’s also Leigh Griffiths with some hair but perhaps they should have made that one able to sit down, such is Strachan’s belief he’s only good enough as a benchwarmer.

If anyone out there is thinking of buying the set for their husband I have to offer a word of caution. Robert Marshall’s wife bought him the set last year but given Robert’s predilection to use them like War gamers and play full matches with them, she had to buy an opposition too. Sadly, Robert was on the phone to me last week crying “David, I’ve played with them twenty times and Scotland still can’t win.”

“So who are they playing?” I asked.

“Belgium”

“Nae feckin’ wonder you cannae win.”

(Toys pictured are; Scott Brown, Craig Mackail-what’shisname and Leigh Griffiths).

David Stuart