The Scotland Epistles Football Magazine

Not sure what is going to be included in this section as my fellow Epistles stalwart Robert Marshall has asked for this; so like you I will keep checking back to see what is being included.

We also asked people on our Facebook page to contribute some stuff and scroll down a bit and you will find a few contributions including some from Trevor Hardcastle. Thanks to them all.

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Where it all began

The Flyer for the first of many World Cup songs

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In 1977, the Gartcosh Social Club [Scotland’s answer to the Hollywood Bowl] was the backdrop to this Matt McGinn masterpiece that was  delivered with aplomb by comedian Ben Gunn. Produced on the Jaybee label, the B side is a Robert Burns monologue. The New Elastic Band and the Boyle Brothers provide the musical accompaniment. You would like to think that goalscorers Gordon McQueen and Kenny Dalglish will have a copy in their vinyl collections. Mick Channon also?

In 1981 [thanks to Lismor Recordings] our Ben followed in the footsteps of opera singer Mario Lanza with a World Cup version of ‘Funiculi Funicula’ which was originally composed in 1880 to commemorate the opening of the first funicular cable car on Mount Vesuvius. It was probably the ‘Shaddappa your face’ of its day.

This all-time classic was recorded and produced in Scotland on the Klub label in 1977. It’s not known what Johnny Rotten or Sid Vicious thought of the B side.

Another World Cup Classic

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Written by Ian Johnston and Jim Keilt with Craig Brown and Andy Roxburgh on lead vocals and psychadelic jerseys in support, record label RCA must have thought this was a stick-on for number one.

Twenty Golden Greats  include – Easy Easy, Ally’s Tartan Army, We have a dream, Ole Ola, Big trip to Mexico, The ballad of Kenny Dalglish and Fergie’s Fusiliers. If you only ever buy one CD then make sure it is something by the Beatles…but if you buy a second CD then get this one.

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Sample lyrics-

‘The World Cup Finals are on their way, with all the teams off to Germany,

But brace yourself cos on every screen, will be nothing but the England team,

But wait, hey, there’s help at hand -we can still support Scotland,

So come on Scotland, Scotland, Jason Scotland!’

One for the connoisseurs, methinks….

The ‘Hampden Remix’ was produced in aid of the 2007 BBC Children in Need appeal.

With support from the Tartan Army live at Hampden on the day of the Scotland-Norway World Cup Qualifier in October 2008 this was produced in aid of the BBC’s Children in Need appeal.

A mixture of the old [Easy Easy], the new [We’ll be coming], the dubious [Chelsea Dagger], the dreadful [Shang-a-Lang] and the delightful [Caledonia].

 

A great song but whose version do you prefer – The Sporran Legion or The Tartan Specials or the North Stand?

An estimated 30,000 attended Hampden Park [aka The Theatre of Delusions] to wish the Scotland team ‘Bon Voyage and we’ll see you later with the cup’. The programme of events included the massed pipes and drums of no less than ten of Scotland’s best known pipe-bands, the Merrylee and the Barmulloch Majorettes, comedian Andy Cameron and an open-topped bus plus the Scotland squad who may or may not have been embarrassed by the whole circus. Still, alls well that ends well……..

1982 and all the big names in Scottish entertainment joined forces as Jock Stein’s boys prepared to do battle in Spain. As well as Christian there was singer Linda Morrison [whose cv included an appearance on Glen Michael’s Cartoon Cavalcade], Big George [winner of the Radio Clyde ‘Starshot’ award], comedy-mime artist Bert Coen and The James Band [described as ‘The Over Age White Band’]. A line-up that would inspire us through to the second phase, surely?

Video Nasties they used to call them….

On DVD a heartbreak is still a heartbreak.

 

Tat plus Tour Guide – All of them priceless……….

Je suis Ecossais/Malchance/Au Revoir …kind of sums it up.

In 2013 for £2.99 you could acquire miniatures of Allan McGregor, Darren Fletcher,Steven Fletcher, Scott Brown, Robert Snodgrass, Charlie Mulgrew and Kenny Miller from the Soccer Starz collection. Suffice to say, some are more lifelike than others…..

Honest, Officer – this is the only piece of grass that you’ll find in my house. It comes complete with a certificate of authenticity that it is an actual cutting taken from the playing surface at Hampden Park, Glasgow. A sod for a sod as my wife might say…..

Badges, booklets, discount vouchers, stickers, mouse-mats, ties, scarves, t-shirts, bobble hats, DVDs and CDs – the SFA lavish us with presents and we love them for it! Now get they feckin ticket prices reduced!

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The Beer Mat Years

1974

1978

 

Tennent’s Lager’s 1978 World Cup beermat collection – starting with the Messiah himself, Ebullient Ally…..

Alan Rough before his glorious ‘white trash’ home-grown perm.

This is not the ‘Stuart’ Kennedy from Stirling that conceded five goals at Wembley in 1975 but the overlapping full-back from Grangemouth.

Sandy was a marvelous attacking full-back , alas his best defensive partner,the equally brilliant Danny McGrain missed Argentina through injury.

Rioch was the first English-born player to captain Scotland in a full international. The Brucie-bonus was of course his rocket-shot.

It’s not always possible to have sex, but thanks to Youtube you can watch Archie’s wondergoal against the Netherlands any time you like.

The Sunday Post newspaper’s 2015 series of Scottish Football Legends beermats begins with goalkeeper Andy Goram – both of them in fact.

Danny, Danny, Danny McGrain – DANNY, DANNY McGRAIN!

[It only works if you sing it].

Stirling born Billy Bremner, quite possibly Scotland’s greatest ever captain.

Willie Miller – on the lookout for Alan Hansen – probably.

King Kenny – Scotland’s most capped player [102].

How do you tell a hard man like Souness that the moustache is so Village People?

No one usually likes being labelled but either one of these is highly recommended.

 

Nice artwork, shame about the price.

Silvio Gazzaniga’s World Cup trophy is attractive enough but the Scotland badge is a real thing of beauty.

The acronym ‘VIP’ is eventually dropped – it seems they’ll take anyone’s money now.

Scott Brown morphs from Nosferatu into a leader of men…women and children.

The museum is well worth the admission fee.

I don’t know why but I had to buy four Happy Meals before I ‘landed’ Rab Douglas and completed my Scottish set.  Also in 2003, a trip to Cardiff allowed me to get my hands on Robbie Savage – the Microstar, that is.

A Couple of Favourites of Mine

Ah, the classic hubris of the English, most World Cups they tend to tell you they’re going to be in with a chance  of winning it (aye, nae chance) but for World Cup ’74 they had the merchandise ready before they even qualified. They also had their World Cup record recorded. Damn those Poles!

SFA related badges.

Supporter-led badges.

World Cup Finals/Kirin Cup/Friendly matches.

Friendly matches.

2004 European Championship Qualifiers match badges.

2006 World Cup Qualifiers match badges.

2008 Euro Championship Qualifiers match badges.

2010 World Cup Qualifiers match badges.

2012 Euro Championships Qualifiers match badges.

2014 World Cup Qualifiers match badges.

2016 Euro Championships Qualifiers match badges.

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THE TREVOR HARDCASTLE COLLECTION

First up a Whisky to savour

Next some pennants

A tasteful picture or tray . . . no it’s a mirror!

Patches and Badges

A nice bag from 1982 and the necessary Sweatbands

Oooh a nice Mexico ’86 mirror

Something to drink from and rest yer beer on

The Old 78 Beer Mats

. . . and for the numismatists among you

Trevor also claimed to have 600 pin badges; it does make you wonder how many hats he’s got to pin them on.

and finally his favourite jacket

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David Murphy supplied some beer mats from 1978