The Scotland Epistles Football Magazine

Say it quickly – it is now 25 years [let’s call it a quarter of a century] since Scotland’s last victory at the world cup finals. Bloody awful isn’t it when you consider some of the other ‘football nations’ who can do a lot better than that- like USA, Australia and Iran.

Due to a problem with getting holidays from work to align properly with the start of those world cup finals I was only able to attend the Scotland-Costa Rica match at Italia 90. So when the Scotland-Sweden game kicked-off in Genoa’s Luigi Ferraris Stadium I was approximately 90 miles away in the departure lounge of Nice airport waiting for a flight home to Glasgow. D’oh!

You know all that meticulous planning that goes into seeing Scotland abroad, getting tickets, making sure your passport’s up to date and thanking God you no longer have that photo with your Mohawk hairstyle. Yes, I said Mohawk not Mohican as anybody with any sense will tell you. Then there’s how to get there; flight, boat or bus and finally where’s my cargo and my lucky condom? Lucky? I’ve had it since 1989.
Anyway all that planning. I never need to do that as sadly I’ve never travelled to see Scotland but maybe . . . just maybe next year. Anyway it’s just as well because I couldn’t even plan my days off to watch the match on TV, never mind travel abroad. All last week I was blissfully unaware I had fucked up. For some reason I thought the game was on Friday, which was my day off and I planned to have a few beers and watch the game. But no, it was work and the radio for me. I tried to get a few shifts swapped but no someone had already got there, not to watch the match but to go to an 18th birthday party! FFS!
I did manage a few beers though, to my regret because come Saturday morning I was hungover and couldn’t sleep beyond 7.30am. So there I was down in Rothesay knowing I was getting the 12 o’clock boat to get to work at 2 and had a deadline to meet for an Epistles article. Saturday was Alan Hansen’s 60th birthday and I did all my research but could I write a word. Nope.
I lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself and totally ambivalent about Alan Hansen’s Scotland career and we all know why. Yep, June of 1982, him and Willie Miller have that ignominious moment of madness that allowed Shengalia to score for USSR and it was kapoot for another tournament for Scotland.
The funny thing was, that I struggled with the idea that Willie Miller was equally culpable and I’m a Jags fan. I think even at the time I blamed Hansen and I think it’s something in the Scotland supporter psyche. We hate players who seem to stroll through games rather nonchalantly as if their passion for the game is less because they don’t seem to break sweat, whereas Miller we never doubted his commitment to the cause. It was also, that Hansen was the darling of the English press and we were fed up being told we should build our team around him and that he was too good for us! Over the years that feeling hasn’t lessened with his appearances on Match of the Day and that tone of arrogance he displayed. Maybe now, he has retired from his punditry we will begin to forgive him. So Alan, Happy Birthday sorry I missed it.
As for Willie Miller, well we were the best of buds last night as I sat and listened to him on the radio. I’ve recorded his monotone voice to use on a loop next time I can’t sleep. I can’t even blame his dourness on an Aberdeen heritage as he was born in Glasgow. I loved the bit last night when instead of saying Scotland he said Aberdeen. Between him, his sycophant Liam Macleod and the dose of the scoots I had; not a great night was had. Yes I was more Scootish than Scottish last night. Mind you I’m not sure it was all those beers or was I shitting myself over our defending. God bless Shaun Maloney and his divine intervention again. As for today it’s Alan Brazil’s birthday and don’t get me started on him!

David Stuart

First posted on Facebook 15th June, 2015

This was my first Scotland match outwith the U.K. and even if Merlin, Dumbledore and Tommy Cooper had all joined my young brother Allan and I on the terracing behind the north goal in Malaga’s Estadio La Rosaleda the whole experience couldn’t have been more magical. Soccer, sun and sangria – ye cannae whack it!

The genius that was Jock Stein was now in charge and we got off to a flying start with goals from Kenny Dalglish [18 minutes] and John Wark [29 and 32 minutes] giving Scotland a 3-0 half-time lead. Then things got a bit silly when defensive errors enabled New Zealand to score in the 55th and 65th minutes to pull it back to 3-2 and Corporal Jones’ catchphrase ‘Don’t Panic! Don’t Panic!’ began to reverberate thoughout the Scotland support.

West Germany 1974 was Scotland’s third World Cup Finals and our opening game against Zaire [previously and currently called Congo] in Dortmund brought us our first ever victory at this stage of the competition.

David Narey will be 59 on June 12th. David Narey’s Scotland career started in 1977 and finished in 1989, however in between that, were some years he was never picked (1984 and ’85) and in five of those years he only featured in one game (1977,’78,’87’88 and ’89). David made his first appearance for Scotland in April 1977, coming on as a sub in a friendly match at Hampden against Sweden. David was the first Dundee United player ever to gain an International cap for Scotland. Unfortunately for Narey, this was Willie Ormond’s last game in charge of Scotland.

Ally MacLeod’s whirlwind eighteen months as Scotland manager would come and go without Narey gaining another cap.

Jock Stein picked Narey to start in his second game in charge against Portugal in Lisbon, the Scots lost one nIl. Narey would play in a team with two other recognised Centre Half’s in Martin Buchan and Gordon McQueen. Narey would often be played as a holding midfield player for Scotland as well as playing at full back. This would be Buchan’s last game for Scotland.

It would be fellow Dundee United player Paul Hegarty that would keep him out of the starting line up in the next few games, although he did make another subs appearance.Cap number 4 would see him return to the starting line up and play alongside Hegarty in that iconic game where Diego Maradona would blow the Scotland team and the Hampden crowd away with his youthful skill. This was in June 2nd 1979 with Argentina beating Scotland 3-1.

He lined up with Alan Hansen and Alec McLeish for a Euro Qualifier against Portugal in March 1980 which the Scots won 4-1. It’s a bit typical of Scotland that almost same side would draw a blank against Portugal six months at home again in a World Cup Qualifier. Narey would make four Scotland appearances in total in 1980 but three would be in friendlies with Willie Miller playing alongside Alex McLeish in two of those.

’81 would see him play in a Home International game against Wales with Paul Sturrock making his debut. Scotland would go down 2 nil at the Vetch Field, Swansea that day. However, a few days later would see both United players taste victory against England as subs at Wembley with a John Robertson penalty making the difference.Although he played in three of the four Scotland games prior to the World Cup in Spain, he was not picked to start in the New Zealand game that begun our tournament. Narey came on in the last seven minutes.We all know what happens next, Narey, who was a surprise starter for the game against Brazil replacing Danny McGrain at full back, was even more of a surprise scorer with that rocket shot from outside the box famously described by Jimmy Hill as a ‘toepoke’.Of course Scotland lost the game 4-1 but Narey’s goal will never be forgotten. Narey retained his place in the line-up for the calamitous game against the USSR in Malaga.Narey would make three more appearances in 1982 and then six in 1983 including a tour of Canada, which saw Scotland take on and beat the home nation three times. However, Narey was then discarded by the national team as Miller and McLeish became the regular pairing.

After the untimely death of Jock Stein, it was the short reign of Alex Ferguson that saw Narey re-established in the Scotland team. Cap number 26 came in a friendly against Israel in Tel Aviv with David playing alongside Willie Miller and four other Dundee United players; Richard Gough, Maurice Malpas, Eamonn Bannon and Paul Sturrock. The Scots won one nil with Paul McStay scoring the only goal.Narey would play two games in Mexico ’86, starting in the 2-1 defeat to West Germany and in that woeful nil nil draw against Uruguay.

David would play in two non-score draws against Bulgaria and the Republic of Ireland in our opening Qualifiers for Euro ’88 in a rather inauspicious start to Andy Roxburgh’s Scotland career.

A recall in 1987 for a 4-1 pumping by Belgium in another Euro Qualifier that we would rather forget, followed by an 1988 defeat to Italy in Perugia and finally in 1989, Narey played in that tense 3-2 win over Cyprus in Limassol with Gough scoring in about the ninety fifth minute saw David’s Scotland career come to a close.So All the Best to David Narey, 35 caps for Scotland and of course the World’s Greatest Toepoke ever!

David Stuart

First posted on Facebook 12th June 2015

11th June 1990

It’s the start of World Cup Italia ’90 and having come through a World Cup qualifying group with France, Yugoslavia, Norway and Cyprus and grabbed that second place, we landed in Italy with expectation. (Don’t we always?)
So, who took the choice that in our opening game against Costa Rica we would play in a glorified T-shirt that was our away top that year? Did Andy Roxburgh think it’s colours would spellbind the opposition? Did Mo Johnston and Alex McLeish suggest that the away strip went better with their ginger nuts? Or was it some sponsorship deal that meant we were obliged to play in it.
As far as I’m concerned the ‘away’ strip is the second strip, only to be played when our dark blue clashes with the opposition, other than that the away strip should be packed away and certainly not used for a major tournament to please sponsors. As fans and no doubt players playing in the dark blue of Scotland is what we dream about not the white, yellow and blue.
I’m pretty sure there was some wayward passing in that game and perhaps some of it was to do with the garish, bland colours we displayed that day. Of course in the photo of that day, was the non-entity that was Alan McInally. Two goals against Malta in a friendly a fortnight before had secured his berth in the opening game (Yes I said Malta) over Ally McCoist and Robert Fleck. This was to be McInally’s last game for Scotland and no wonder.

Happy Birthday to Andrew Stuart Murray McCall to give him his full name. Stuart will be 51 on June 10th. Born in Leeds, England but with a mouthful of a name like that Stuart, due to his Father’s Scottish heritage would play for Scotland with a passion and desire that no one would fault. Despite being picked for the England Under 21’s at one stage Stuart would make his debut for Scotland against Argentina at Hampden on 28th March 1990. Scotland won one nil due to a Stewart McKimmie goal. Also making their debut that night were Craig Levein and Robert Fleck, however it would be Stuart who would make the quickest impact and would play in all five of the pre-Italia ’90 friendlies.
By the time of the World Cup, he was an established part of the midfield, starting against Costa Rica in Genoa alongside Jim Bett, Paul McStay and Roy Aitken. The History (Misery more like) Books tell us that Scotland got beat one nil that day and were by then needing to win their next game against Sweden to remain in the competition.
I remember being in the Rock Garden in Queen Street that night and as Stuart McCall pounced on a loose ball to put the Scots in front all the bottles, beers went smashing from our tables as everyone jumped up to celebrate the goal. This would be Stuart’s only goal for Scotland but it is one that lives long in the memory. Mo Johnston added a penalty in the 81st minute and although the Swedes would score in the last five minutes to give us a nerve wracking end, we managed to gain our win.
Then came Brazil, a poor Brazil at that and what was jittery non-event of a game if I remember, which was settled by Jim Leighton fumbling at a shot by Muller and it was time to go home once more.
Stuart would play in all our group games in Euro’s ’92 and ’96 where Scotland gave a good account of themselves and perhaps with a little bit of luck might have progressed further. Stuart played in two of the opening qualifiers for the ’98 campaign in late ’96 and that was it, almost. Stuart was recalled to the Scotland team for a final time to play 21 minutes as a sub in a World Cup warm up against Denmark but would not make the squad for France ’98. Stuart won 40 caps for Scotland overall from 1990 to 1998.
Stuart has been part of Gordon Strachan’s coaching team and indeed was apparently responsible for the move that saw Shaun Maloney score against the Republic of Ireland last year.
So here’s to Stuart, all the best and remember we will always have the Rock Garden in 1990.

There was a shot in the Evening Times of Kingston Bridge in Glasgow at 5pm, which normally has around two thousand cars a minute hurtlin across it durin rush hour, but as Scotland and Brazil were about to kick off the 1998 world cup in the Stade de France in Paris it was completely empty. There was not a single vehicle or human being in sight, nothin moved, it was as if the world in Scotland stood still.

I had watched the game on the big screen at the Hote de Ville (town hall) in Paris with my 11 year old son Jordan, my brother David and several friends, and two of my outstanding memories of that day were the sound of John Collins’ penalty and the soakin wetness of the final whistle. When Collins slotted the penalty home to equalise, there was an incredible sound, apart from the huge cheer, I’d never heard before or since; it was the sound of thousands of beer, whisky and wine bottles and glasses, bein dropped on the ground or accidentally thrown in the air as the majority of the crowd leapt up in a great outpourin of joy and threw their arms wide ready to hug each other in celebration, before comin crashin and smashin back down to earth. It was an incredible, indescribable sound, like an elongated crrrrsssshhhmasshhhh (telt ye – indescribable). Oh how we cheered and danced (makn sure not to fall on the broken glass) and sang and hugged and gret

Vincent Van Gogh, Alex Van Halen, Eddie Van Halen, Abraham Van Helsing, Commissaris Van der Valk, Hertz Van Rental, Fanny Blankers-Koen and the lucky lad who stuck his finger in a dyke – your boys took one helluva beating – but unfortunately not by the required three goal margin which would have taken Scotland through to the second phase of the World Cup Finals in Argentina.

We all remember Archie Gemmill’s wondergoal in the Estadio San Martin, Mendoza but I had to consult the reference book to remind me of how the overall match played out and then the memories came flooding back. When Robbie Rensenbrink gave the Netherlands the lead from the penalty spot after 34 minutes we all thought -‘Here we go again and how big is this humping going to be?’ And then Kenny Dalglish equalised a minute before half-time and we contented ourselves as Scotland at least appeared to be ‘making a game of it’. One minute into the second half and Scotland are 2-1 in front thanks to an Archie Gemmill penalty. There is a stirring in my loins.